Well it’s April and I’m just now getting all my thoughts together, but here it is.
What 2020 taught me…. (And maybe even a little of 2019 🤔)
Is that the pressure of perfection is BS!! What’s even more BS is the fact that majority of the time we are putting this pressure on ourself.
In all the years before 2020 perfection controlled me. In every aspect of my life I tried to paint the perfect picture. I thought in order to be successful I had to be perfect. Like a cookie cutter version of myself. Like success was found in perfection.
I had it engraved in me that everything had to run smooth, stay clean, and look untouched in order for me to seem like I had it all together.
Ya know, so that people would think that I was just “killing it”.
For some unknown reason I really thought living in this mind set made me feel accomplished and successful…. but at the end of every day all I was, was extremely exhausted. To the point of frustration. Like I had worked so hard on every little detail that I completely missed the bigger picture and sometimes special moments that I was suppose to be a part of.
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At the end of 2019, I took off the “hat of perfection” and threw that disgusting, over-bearing thing in the trash!
I was tired of being tired. I was tired of not being the best version of myself. I was tired of being held back and taken advantage of. I was just so tired.
So after two kids and nearly seven years (where I was a kick butt mom and housewife), I left my marriage and decided to do something for myself, my sanity, and my happiness!!! It was then when I realized I had no time to worry about what others thought because I knew who I was and I knew that the Lord had me.
I can only imagine how many people just read that last paragraph, rolled their eyes, and thought…. “She was leaving her husband, yet she really thought that the Lord had her…” But He absolutely did!
“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you!!! He will never leave you nor forsake you!”
I was no exception…. The Lord knew what I had went through and all the damage it had done to my heart. I clearly 100% knew that the Lord was not excited that I was getting a divorce! But I also knew that in order for the Lord to really use me and my heart the way He has always wanted to, I had to go through all the ugly things first.
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“For I will restore health (physical, mental, and all the above) to you and all your wounds I will heal, declares the Lord.”
Sometimes you have to make decisions for yourself even if it feels or looks completely wrong to everyone around you.
It’s now been over a year and a half since I started this chapter of my story. It has surely been a chapter full of all the emotions and ten-thousand lessons! But it’s been the first chapter in years and years where I am really me. 🙌🏻
-Brooke 💛
Something on your mind....?