When you miss someone terribly and would love to have them back, it’s hard to put all your thoughts to rest. It’s like I need a few days every once in awhile to unwind and just miss him. I’m sure if you have lost a loved one you understand exactly where I’m coming from.
Today as I was cheering Abram and his team on from the dugout (I always said I would never be that dugout mom…. well here I am in the dugout!) I had one of those moments where you just really wish your dad was there enjoying the same moments as you are, I had to remind myself that of course he is! He has the best seat in the house, the best view, with the best of the best. For a moment I realized how blessed me and my kiddos are…. dad has the best seat in heaven and mom was right behind me cheering Abram on and keeping Ellie contained and happy.
We are blessed.
We lost dad over ten years ago, I know it’s a part of life. We lose people and it sucks. We’re suppose to move on knowing or hoping that we will see them again one day. Time doesn’t make it easier but we adapt to the changes of not having them around for our special moments.
Those were some really hard times for my family. After losing dad I wasn’t really sure how we were going to pull it all together and keep going. My mother was so broken, we were all so broken… let’s face it, a part of our hearts are still broken. I miss him EVERY single day. Even after ten years I see, hear, or smell something almost daily that will bring dads face back to me. Sometimes I find myself praying for vivid dreams of him playing with my children, just to fill that void of wishing they had him.
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Truth be told… Dad was a hard man to live and deal with sometimes. In my younger years he put our family through the worse days we have yet faced. When I was in middle school drugs and alcohol took over his life and they became more important to him than anything. In those years I saw a man that wasn’t my father, but a demon that had taken over his body. He looked, acted, and talked like someone I never knew. Because of this addiction we lost our home that was suppose to be our forever place (It was the house that built me).
During this trial Mom always done her very best to keep us in a nice place, of course dad would always follow us… sleeping on the porches or sneaking inside. He would try to force his way back into our life before he was ready or deserving. Which normally put us moving again. This was a very hard chapter in my life (one day I might write a book about it).
A few years later, with the help of Jesus Christ, my sweet Aunt Sandee, and my strong-selfless mother, we got dad back. Aunt Sandee offered him a job as long as he would stay clean and helped him get back on his feet! Mom of course (still loving him like crazy), supported him through his struggles and they came out on top. Before this moment I never thought I was going to have him back, see him clean again, or be able to forgive him for the things he put us through… but I did. Our relationship was mended and his big smile was back (you all that knew him knew how much of an impact his smile and laughter could make)!
Thankfully we were blessed with several good years before his time here on earth was over. I’ll never forget the trips to Cades Cove, camping at the pond in the teepee’s he built us, fishing in the boat we painted camouflage, picking fruit from the fruit trees all around house (so that mom could make jelly), I could go on and on. Looking back… I realize how blessed I was in my youth regardless of the hard times we may have experienced.
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This is my sweet mother! Had she not been the strongest, hardest working, caring, selfless mother in this entire world through all those years, we would have done without so much. She is the reason I am the person I am today…
She taught me how to love, like Jesus loves.
Now she gets to spoil my kiddos and help me make memories that will last forever!
I am so blessed!
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Thank you for allowing me to be real with y’all and share my heart! Y’all are the best!! xoxo
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